It’s crazy that it would take getting sick, to slow down enough to put up a post! Though there are times I wish posts were more personal, today I am quite grateful there is no way for any of you to distinguish whether I am writing from a classy coffee shop in a trendy scarf, or from my couch in my pajamas and my glasses. The world will never know!
The whole idea of “favorite things” comes up quite frequently in dating. “What’s your favorite……” (you can fill in the blank)–seems to run first dates sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, those are not bad questions! Actually, I feel favorites hold a very important piece in a relationship and help strengthen it. But what if we are really good at going with the flow to the point that we almost don’t really have favorites? I can’t tell you how many poor men have sat across a table from me, as I tell them over lunch, “well….really I don’t have a favorite _______________.” Life has a funny way of giving you helps and hints along the way.
While a missionary in North Carolina, my teaching companion and I went to dinner with a couple from the congregation we were assigned to. They had both been divorced and re-married, and at one point of our dinner conversation, were giving us some of their marriage and dating advice. The gentlemen, a former cop, and sincere man, looked at me and said, “Here’s the deal, when a man asks you where you want to eat, or what you feel like eating, and you feel like a steak, ask him to go grab a steak!!” He went on to explain that from his perspective, most men want a woman who knows what she wants, and can say “I like this,” or “I want this.” I immediately had re-runs of all the times my dad or brothers or dates would ask me where I wanted to eat or what I wanted to do, and I would say I was fine with anything…oh brother!
So, how do you discover your “favorites?” We’re all different, but I have taken on the challenge the past few weeks, and it has been SO FUN pinpointing the things that I love, and the things that make me, me. There is something empowering about having likes and dislikes and being able to map out pieces of your personal identity. Remember, this does not mean we are rigid individuals. OUR FAVORITES ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE! Here is why it is so important that we know and recognize our own favorites: we must learn to recognize and communicate our loves and needs to our best loves, so that they can love us in the best ways they can. This is equally applied to their loves and needs as well.
So, allow me to introduce the Favorites Board:
Sitting on a date when your nerves can be a little off, and you’re trying to focus on the moment, may not be the easiest time to recognize some of your “favorites”; however, you will be surprised the things you discover about yourself when you tune in throughout the day to what your interests, joys, and favorites are. It’s easy to add to the board as you are running out the door, or to put a few up that you discovered or realized during the day. This is just a snap-shot of my started list, but there will be many more to come, and the list is quite endless. Let me give you and example though. Something I realized while working on the board, was how much I love citrus. I used to have a mug of hot lemon and honey every morning, I love an orange at lunch, I put lime in my salsa and on my tacos, and when I’m really stressed and overwhelmed, I sit and eat a grapefruit! A love for citrus is a piece of me, but what are your favorites?
Before we say adieu…and I go and take a nap…
Being home, sick today has made me think a lot about ways best loves are important in our lives. Friends are amazing with looking out for each other, and doing things to help one another, but a best love is far more. They see everything about you, and they are someone who is taking the time to know the favorites and the little things that all add up to who you are. I feel we each need a best love who knows what helps when we don’t feel great, our favorite foods, the movies we like, what makes us grumpy, or anxious, or what to say when we’re frustrated with life. It is a great privilege and joy to be that person with someone. I am almost certain there will come a day, a lot like today, when I’m down for the count, and my best love will come with two mugs of soup in his hands, and while eating soup in bed or on the couch, we’ll sit and talk about our day. Yes, hopefully he will want to talk anyways, but he might even just do it, because he will know that soup in a mug, and his time, will help to heal my heart. When we love someone, we don’t dismiss the favorites, we do those little things for them, and they often will do those little things for us. I am sure there are many favorites to be discovered. Dating can be very hard, and that may even be an understatement, but dating is part of building best loves. Even if we aren’t at that point yet, aren’t best loves beautiful?