I am so glad you’re here, reading this!! If you’re in the process of dating, and you’re thinking this is just for the married Best Loves, I think you will be pleasantly surprised. I hope you’ll laugh a little, think a little, and see how this little gem will impact your love life in magnificent ways.
So what’s the big deal with the dishes??
Dishes are a constant thing; they seem to multiply before our eyes, and though some people may feel this way, it seems the majority of people do not proclaim, “I LOVE TO DO THE DISHES!!” Even when I was in high school and would do the dishes while belting it out with Michael Bubble, I never reached the point of falling in love with the dishes.
The best way to illustrate the power of doing the dishes, is with a story of a real-deal scenario. As a note, though it is a stereotype, I am going to assume the woman of the relationship is the one who did the cooking, but everyone is always welcome to help with dinner!
At-Home Dinner Date: Take 1
Jessica invites her best love over for dinner, and because she finished with classes earlier, she makes dinner herself. Her best love, Steven, comes over and the two of them enjoy catching up on their day, and the amazing pasta she prepared. With more homework ahead of them, they decide to call it a night. Steven kisses her good night, thanks her again for putting the time into dinner, and heads out the door.
The door closes, and though her heart skipped a beat at the sweet kiss goodnight, she turns around to see the pots and pans, glasses, plates, and leftovers. She just dove off cloud nine, and into a messy kitchen, with her research paper on the back of her mind. Either she stays up and gets it done tonight, or it sits till tomorrow, and then she’s apologizing to roommates, coming home to dishes, and starting to feel a little overwhelmed.
Ok, so we have two best loves who think the world of each other, and who both showed that they cared. Neither did anything wrong, and they got to have date night. He may have even offered to help with the dishes, but she was quick to say, “don’t even worry about it!” But let’s look at the differences between Take 1 and Take 2.
At-Home Dinner Date: Take 2
Jessica invites her best love over for dinner, and because she finished with classes earlier, she makes dinner. Her best love, Steven, comes over and the two of them enjoy catching up on their day, and the amazing pasta she prepared. With more homework ahead of them, they decide to call it a night earlier. Steven offers to help with the dishes, and Jessica graciously lets him. He washes, she dries, and the two talk about their families, and are reminded of funny stories from growing up. When the dishes are done, and leftovers put away, (with great conversations had) Steven kisses Jessica good night, thanks her again for putting the time into dinner, and heads out the door.
Jessica closes the door and takes a second to soak up the feeling of the night. It had been wonderful talking while they worked. She feels so loved that Steven helped her clean up, and feels like she is appreciated and recognized. Yes there may be homework, but she is confident that Steven cares about her, and the homework seems doable.
So what just happened??
I can’t help but laugh a little, because I wish this wasn’t as accurate as it truly is. The difference was the dishes. Steven sacrificed time and energy, but that time and energy meant far more than a kind gesture; It proved to be an investment in their relationship. Relationships and people need consistent investment to succeed. Though it seems simple, dishes are an inexplicably valuable opportunity that could easily be missed.
Did you notice the difference between Jessica in both takes? She was in two entirely different emotional and mental states! It’s true that while we’re dating, we go our separate ways at the end of the night; however, this is not the case in marriage. Which type of person would you want to call it a night with? I would think we would want to be with the person who feels loved, confident, and calm. She definitely feels closer and more connected with her best love, and that impacts the other person in the relationship as well. But the dating best loves are saying, “great, but I’m not there yet!”
That is exactly right! You aren’t married and sharing a kitchen with your best love at the moment; However, Dating is a time when we form habits that will help our success in a future marriage relationship. Helping with the dishes, or with other chores or tasks, no matter how small, are habits that can be created now. When we then find ourselves married to a best love, jumping in with the dishes (another way of saying “I Love You”) will be more second-nature, and our relationships will be that much stronger. Just try it!
To learning to love doing the dishes, and to learning to love through doing the dishes,