How to Talk about and Incorporate Personal Time:

Relationships and life as a whole seem to function best when there is a sense of balance. With personal time, balance is especially crucial! An important piece of relationships is “me-time” or time for yourself. As a whole, “me-time” is incredibly diverse. For some, it could look like going to the gym and listening to music while working out by themselves. For others, it is reading a book. And even still for others, it is spending time with family. Here are just a few other examples for both men and women that could be considered personal time:

  • Exercising, walking, running
  • Playing or watching sports
  • Reading a book
  • Watching a TV show
  • Shopping
  • Taking a nap
  • Playing a video game
  • organize your space
  • Paint your Nails (ladies)
  • Sit in the hot tub
  • Meditation
  • Soak in a bath
  • Cook/ bake
  • Sitting out in the sun
  • Spending time with family
  • playing an insrument
  • listening to Music
  • Going to a class (Yoga, dance, etc.)
  • Meeting up with/going to lunch with friends
  • Art/creating/crafting   (blogging? :))
  • Real deal: I was swamped with school reading, but needed to recharge, so I took my book to the hot tub. It was just what I needed, but didn’t take away from my to-do list.

These kinds of things will look different for each of us, but they all fall under the same purpose: to rejuvenate, and strengthen us individually. They help us cope with the changes, and help us be able to then give our all to our best loves. So personal time is a good thing? YES!! It helps us foster our talents and gifts that make us individuals. When that need is met, people are then in a better place when it comes to “we-time” with their best love.

Ok, so the golden question: HOW DO WE TALK ABOUT “ME” TIME? We don’t want to never see our best loves, for the pursuit of personal talents, while we also cannot spend every second of our lives with our best loves. Note: The following is an awesome date night conversation!!! Also great practice for being open as best loves. 

  1. First you have to ask yourself the questions: What do I NEED? What helps me cool down? What brings me joy?  It may be hard to put it into words, but it will come, or you may have to try something different. You might not be letting yourself have “me-time” in the first place, or you may be having too much. Ponder it out.
  2. Spend some time with your best love–maybe it’s over dishes, or driving–ask them how they like to recharge. What do YOU need to do to recharge? How do YOU like spending time for yourself? Maybe you have already picked up on their answers as you’ve been dating, but this is a serious place we do not want to assume we know. Listen, listen, listen, and take mental notes. Their needs will most likely be different than yours.
  3. Look at the next week or month, and put both of your needs on the calendar, or if the need surfaces, acknowledge and respect it. I know this is stereotypical, but does he need to go on that hunting trip, or go to the football game with his friends? Maybe he wants to play a few video-games with his friends or brothers some time this week. On the flip side, maybe she needs to paint her nails with music on, go to a movie or to dinner with her girl-friends. It could be that all she really wants is a nap! Everyone is different, but we need to learn what works for our best love. Part of loving them is being there for them exactly as they are.

 

A few thoughts:

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The best question I have ever been asked while dating someone, was “what helps you when you are having a bad day? Are you a chocolate girl, a flowers girl?” It makes me smile just thinking about it. This question is brilliant, because it addresses needs, and is entirely unselfish. It is looking ahead at what he could do if I was having a bad day. If our goal is to sincerely know those we date, I believe there would be a lot more love. Anyone can know where you are from, what color hair you have, what your major is, and even how many siblings you have; However, Best Loves are built on questions like the one above. And questions like: How do you feel when _______? What worries you? What are your most important goals? What foods to you crave when you’re sick? What is the most stressful part of your life? Or even, what brings you joy? Isn’t is such a beautiful plan, that we are to look for someone to come to know in those ways?

I hope incorporating personal time will add to your becoming best loves, or help you in the pursuit of finding and creating one. We are all somewhere on the journey.

Love,

Tayler

 

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