The Deal with the Door….

“Do I get the door for her? Do I just let her get it? Yeah, I’ll grab it…..oh! wait! Or not….she’s already got it….” I am not a man, but with the culture around opening the door for women, I am pretty sure I have been the cause of many men going through a similar mental script.  

Did you know though, men getting the door for women has just as much to do with women as it does with men?!

I’d love for everyone to listen up, because gentlemen, I want to give you one of the most important insights to women. Ladies, I want to give you one of the greatest insights on how we influence men.


Gentlemen, you and I both know that I am entirely capable of opening my own door, and by the amount of other women at the gym, I don’t think I’m flying solo on that one. 🙂 Let me tell you a little story though: I was a freshman at BYU what feels like a very long time ago. I should probably also say at that point in my life, the confidence I have today, did not exist. I was in one of the main buildings and headed to the door. I noticed an older man ten feet behind me, and thought nothing of it. You would have thought the building was on fire as he suddenly sprinted and somehow (I still have yet to figure out how, exactly…..) reached in front of me, and beat me to the door so he could open it for me. I really didn’t know what to do, but utter a simple, stunned, thank you.

I almost laugh, because you would have thought he was saving me from jumping off a cliff. But it wasn’t exactly what he did, but how I felt because of what he did. Can we be very real for a minute? I realized I was actually worth a little more than I thought. Maybe I was important enough for a grey-haired professor to race to the door, just to open it for me.

**Remember: Women are most beautiful when they are confident and happy.

Gentlemen, a woman’s world is a world of feelings. So why does a door mean so much? Because of the feelings it creates: That they are cared for, treasured, respected, recognized, and valued. (Note: you never have to worry about sending a message of romance–it means more of “value” to a woman) Now that is a lot, on little hinges.

Honestly, when good friends of mine, with no romantic interest in me, get the door, it is like receiving the most sincere compliment, and I believe it says a lot about them, and their perception of women.

So how do you do it when you are taking Ms. Independent out for a date??  Laddies, we’re up now! 🙂

I don’t know about you, but whether my date opens the door or not, makes me think a ton. But at the same time, how often do I not even give him a chance to do it?? I think I heard one of the saddest things in my life, when a friend was telling me about a girl he had dated. The poor man would get her door, and she would roll her eyes and COMPLAIN. ? I was shocked! But as I thought more on it, I wondered if many of us actually do this on a very minor scale. Let me explain. For me, I am so much more comfortable doing everything myself, not letting very many people help or love me. So, sometimes when a man opens the door for me, waits for me to get in, and closes the door, it can take some getting used to. But I think this is the key, and laddies, if you can take one thing away from this post, this is it:

How we react, will determine if it becomes a habit, or is put to the side. Let me explain a little. If you were to do something for someone, and they didn’t say thank you, and just tried to move on quickly, would you do it again? Unless you are a stalwart soul, probably not!! How can we expect men to continue to open the door, if we act like it is a burden, or do not acknowledge it. The secret is one simple sentence, tailored to your own words:

“(Man’s Name), I love it when you get the door for me.” and you can keep it going with “It makes me feel ___.” 

(If it is too uncomfortable, write him a note! If words mean the world to him, he’ll keep it forever 🙂 I found these ones that I would definitely keep in my back pocket to leave a sweet note. Click here to get a few for you! Or go classic: my signature used to be yellow notes and yellow paper for letters 🙂

Just watch 😉 Sincere appreciation is one of the most important things this world often lacks. I promise it will go 400% further than nagging or bugging him.

Gentlemen, back to you 😉

A few things I have been told, and have actually worked in letting them get the door:

  1. “Don’t touch that!!” (by far, the funniest!! )
  2. (Leaning over a little and whispering) “You really should let me get that.”
  3. “Don’t worry about the door, I’ll get it.”

Whatever it is though, it will take some courage, but I think this is one of the best ways to go about it if she isn’t used to having someone get her door. (we’re all learning here!) Just turn to her and say, “Let me get that for you.” or “Will you let me get the door for you?” If she stands or sits there a little stunned, it’s because you are pulling a superman, and she is trying to process it 😉

As always we need to take it all with a healthy serving of patience. But, I promise getting the door, or letting him get the door, makes a difference.

Always, Tayler

Any experiences with this? Did it work? Have I ever been that girl to roll my eyes at you? Let me know in the comments 😉

Photo: Jessica Casperson Photography

One thought on “The Deal with the Door….

  1. Moises Flores

    I recently had an experience going to the bank to deposit some money. I used the atm outside and saw a couple approaching the door. I walked faster and held the door open for them and for a lady leaving the bank, she looked over and said ” you are so sweet, you made my day.” I can say it really works, try it out and you will see.


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